A Bigger You, A Bigger Me
"I see you bigger."
At a coaching and conditioning intensive for real estate agents, I was sharing my issues with the coursework when our instructor made the above reply.
These words hit me like a flashbang: I was at once offended and provoked. My recoil was instantaneous. No you don't. You don't see who I really am. You want me to be someone else. I cannot and will not change who I am. I did not want to alter who I thought I was to become a mega-agent and there are aspects of that desire I still find to be extremely healthy. I was afraid that being successful meant you had to take advantage of others. I was worried about being a person who saw dollar signs instead of people. I was having trouble connecting my passion for helping people with the game of real estate. The problem for me was, in the midst of my own existential crisis, I couldn't see how right my instructor was, and how limiting my stories were.
I was making myself small. I saw myself as bound rather than as free to choose. I wasn't just reacting because I didn't like making cold calls, it wasn't just that I didn't want to be the sales-y real estate agent... I in fact had mental limits on my potential that were put there by ME, no one else. Like it or not, it was my coach who was seeing me bigger.
For me to win does not mean someone else has to lose. For me to make a living based on what I create in the world does not have to be a bait and switch. I don't have to shrink who I am to make others feel comfortable, when in fact what I want to do is see the opposite: People be their full, glorious selves. I am at a place where I can see myself, and others, BIGGER.
I resisted the language of "bigger" because it resonated with my inadequacy complex at the time. But like a snake gets too big for its skin and has to shed to grow to the next level, we too must peel away the layers that hold us back from being and becoming our full selves.
Since that time I have made many choices. I chose to leave the work of real estate. I still choose to be motivated by inspiring people and making a difference in the lives of others. I have worked out some of my fears and emotional baggage with money, and am not worried about having it or making it from the things I care about. For me, those words that were a shock to my system did not mean I had to walk the exact path it seemed was laying before me, it meant there were identity constructs and thought patterns that needed to be deconstructed for the next level of me to be built. So the next time you are provoked by someone's coaching, don't just be offended, sit with it. A coach doesn't have a perfect perspective, but they can see your blind spots and help you grow and work to the next level.
You know what? I see a bigger you, and I think you do too.