Embrace the Chaos

Whether in silence

or in the midst of chaos

the spirit hovers.

-   -   -

Yesterday, I felt broken down. 

The combination of stepping into chaos after a weekend of space with a tired body and finding myself hitting felt barriers of capacity without knowing how to move forward. I know I'm not all of where I want to be, and I don't know my plan for moving forward. 

With my marathon, I was clearly able to see what training components I could implement for further improvement. I felt a combination of pride at what I accomplished and inspiration for leveling up. In my business, in my family, in my own heart, yesterday, I felt a sense of "I'm flying by the seat of my pants."

I know from experience that if I were only to pursue letting go of commitments and tasks I would not be pursuing growth, but would be trying to pursue a more comfortable "simplicity." I'm learning instead that in embracing the chaos, I can find a calm in the eye of the storm. I can create space for reframing, for meditation, for growth and progress. While at first glance, days like yesterday feel like a call to quiet the storms of life, I think, instead, it is a chance to come to rest and to center in the midst of the storm.

There's a story in the gospels where Jesus and his disciples are out on the Sea of Galilee in the midst of a storm. The disciples are freaking out, but Jesus is asleep. The terror they experienced in the storm wasn't even a thought in the mind of the rabbi. It's a reminder of how I want to be. Not asleep to my life, but at rest in the midst of chaos, embracing it rather than feeling a constant need to escape the storm. When I feel like all my effort is only helping me tread water, to flip over and float for a moment before picking back up the pace of my metaphorical swim. 

The same spirit guiding my connections and expression this past weekend is hovering within and around me at home, in my work, in my neighborhood, in the dirt under my feet. 

Maybe that's all I need to remember today.