Sting of my Shoulds
The sting of my soles… I should be past this. I should be beyond this. I should be. I should. Should.
I can’t help but think that I’m shitting on my self with shoulds.
I’m shod in my shoulds. Caught in my shoulds. If I’m misguided it’s because I put God in my shoulds.
Gotta be good, shoulda known better
Can’t remember who I am in this, whether
Or not it’s what I’ve got, what I’ve been taught, what has been caught
It’s like I’m running in the summer in a stifling hot sweater
Can’t move, can’t groove
Can’t breathe, can’t see
So many “shoulds” like I can’t be me
Comparison and obligation have me frantically
Scrambling and trying to make a plan to be
More, better, different instead of what I am and what I need
What does this breed but inauthenticity
Whatever was good has now been missed in me
Lost in me, the cost in me
I should be past this, I should be complete
I should break this cycle, I should not repeat
The patterns, the habits
Worn like a nun
Gotta be done
"Should" takes me away from everything else.
This moment, this place
The look on my face
These messages are so deeply ingrained
That my brain
Must be washed from all the washing
Unshod from the shoulds
Discalced from the hoods
Of the habits that have been shorn and worn since soon after I was born.
This word: acceptance…
I’ve heard it before
But I can’t learn it’s meaning from a book in a store
I’ve got to embody, I’ve got to embrace
Embark on this journey, at my own pace
Learn to live and live to learn
Let love have its say again
It’s way again
And only then
Can I simply be.
This barefoot journey happens one step at a time
Like a poem I’m writing and living each rhyme
When I love what is then I love my journey
I accept myself and I accept my yearning
It begins to fade, no worry, no hurry
Just progress in the unfolding moment of now.
There’s a sting in my soles and in my soul
It’s smaller than I thought, and I have control
Of my choice to accept and roll
With the punches, drop my hunches
Quit making meaning that makes me mean
With a heart full of love, my intentions are clean
Living with the pain and embracing the sting
Means I take on a life beyond it, anew and again.
Free at last but not pain free
It’s all within the love that is within me
It permeates the atmosphere and so others, too can be
Ridiculously expressive and unhindered in vulnerability.
I take this step, this choice,
Then quiet, in whatever the moment calls for I will rejoice
No more shitty shoulds raining on my singing
It’s true love we’re bringing
In their hearts and ears it’s ringing
And there’s no more room for should.