I forgive me

 Photo by  David Marcu  on  Unsplash

Photo by David Marcu on Unsplash

Forgiveness is an incredible offering.

Forgiveness doesn't mean nothing hurtful happened, it means you are freed to express newness of life. Offering yourself forgiveness when you really haven't understood the impact of your actions and you haven't owned up to your emotional (or other) "footprint," is not forgiveness at all. I know what it is to offer insincere apologies and insincere forgiveness. I also know what it is to do this to myself. 

I'll be honest, there is something powerful that happens when I've experienced forgiveness. The transactional "lifting of a weight" feeling that is both humbling and exciting. Yet, so often, we keep ourselves in a state of condemnation and shame. 

No one else has the power to forgive you that you have to forgive yourself.Instead of showing up and being the ways I aspire to be, I can choose to sit in the sting of unforgiveness, towards others, but especially towards myself. 

Have you ever considered that your own difficulty in forgiving others may be connected to your difficulty in forgiving yourself? 

I forgive others for not being there for me in the ways I wanted and maybe I needed. I choose to let it all go.

And I forgive me. I forgive myself. 

I forgive me for not being the best parent, partner, and teammate. 

I forgive me for choosing fear over love. I forgive me for picking at my wounds instead of letting them heal. I forgive me for despising myself and cultivating an internal atmosphere of distrust and discomfort. I forgive me for the thoughts I have sown into this body and not allowed to be released. I forgive me for comparison, for frustration, for where I did things out of alignment to make others happy but forsook myself in the process. I forgive myself for playing the harsh judge. I forgive myself for the mistakes and perceived failures and for perceiving attempts as failures. I forgive myself for holding me to impossible standards and then wondering why no one measured up. I forgive me for escapism and avoidance, running from problems instead of facing them. And I forgive me for the times I became so problem-focused that I lost sight of the beauty all around me. I forgive me for not taking care of my body like it has taken care of me. I forgive me for all this and for what I have forgotten. 

I have been with the impact of these past actions, traumas, hurts, and choices. And...

I am ready to forgive.

I choose to forgive.

I forgive me.

I am forgiven.