when are you?

 Photo by  Icons8 team  on  Unsplash

Photo by Icons8 team on Unsplash

When are you?

I have recognized that my manic, myopic, frantic and anxious states of being are generally a collapsing of the trauma-ridden past or anxiety-ridden future onto the present. 

When I am reacting out of fear, it is most often because I am not here. Not now. Not this

 

My fearful reaction and accusations toward someone who was genuinely wanting to know how I was doing was not me being aware of myself or them in this moment, I was "present" to a traumatic conversation that occurred in the past, only I was reliving it in the now. 

When my buttons are easily pressed, when I am overwhelmed and distressed, 

the cause, I may suggest, is being dislocated.

In another time, another place, a different moment, a different space,

projecting then onto now. 

 

When are you? 

 

Are you reliving a painful loss, seemingly unable to let go and move on?

Are you actively replaying the memory of when you hurt someone or they hurt you?

Are you trying to get back to "the glory days" of when you did "that thing" and finding yourself frustrated at the apparent gap between then and now? 

 

The fact is, this moment is full of life and possibility. In fact, your life is only your life in this moment. You only have now. What comes next is just another now that we are contemplating and imagineering, but your life is now. 

I love visualizing my future, but it only matters insofar as I bring it into my present. 

I enjoy reminiscing about fond memories and good times, and the only reason I have those memories is because I was present to make them in that moment. 

 

When you recognize your breath, your heartbeat, your body and very being alive in this moment of now, you may also see that the fears and perceived threats you have been replaying are not "here and now." Certain triggers can send you "back in time," hitting those nerves and sending you down those neural pathways. And now, you can build new ones that are present and joyful in THIS MOMENT. 

When you choose to love yourself, your situation and circumstances, your family and friends and neighbors and even seek to love your enemies, you reclaim your power and reassert your ability to work magic in this moment. When you retreat into the painful past or flee into the projected future, you lose your grounded, centered, and elevated stance. You lose YOU, the true and authentic essence who is alive and flowing now. 

WHO you are being reflects WHEN you are. When are you?